American Icon's Artist Statement Critiques (Blog 4)

My first set of feedback told me that I should try to explain myself more in a certain paragraph I wrote, because she wasn't sure exactly what I was reffering to. That was all my first editor said, so I didn't get much feedback from it. However, I also got feedback from Randy, and he had plenty to say. The suggestions I got were to add more evidence (like in the article from The New Yorker we read), gather evidence from other places than the Dr. Seuss books I was using, and to make it all flow together better by making each paragraph lead into the next. At first I thought that would be hard, but then I found out the spacing on my page was 1.5, so I'll have plenty more room to write (the first draft was a bit longer, so I'll probably go back to that).

Here's my second draft:

The Spark
By: D’Vaughn McCrae
It only takes one spark to light a candle. There are certain things you remember as a kid that always seem to stick with you; whether that’s when you first learned how to ride a bike, or when you first went to school. Mine was learning how to read. Dr. Seuss was of the first authors I read when I was little. His stories taught me many valuable life lessons I will share a few of them with you
Now.
Celebrate birthdays. In fact, celebrate the fact that you’re alive and unique every day. You could have been born something completely different, like some sort of bacteria, or blade of grass, or a potato. But you’re not. Out of the billions and billions of other things you could have been, you were born as your own person. Always remember that, because “today you are you! That’s truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” Even Oprah Winfrey told part of this to the world in her own words (“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate”). William Shakespeare brought up the other part of this lesson when saying “God has given you one face, and you make yourself another”. Everyone has more than one face. One that shows, and one that lies beneath the skin.
Turns out our eyes can only see the shallow features of a person upon first looking. You can’t judge a person based on what they were born with. No kind of person is better than another. You’d be surprised how alike you are to some of the people you see on the beach. Martin Luther King Jr. was surely one of the greatest teachers of this message. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character”. Dr. Seuss put this more simply in his book The Sneetches: “Sneetches are Sneetches, and no kind of Sneetch is best on the beaches”. While Dr. Seuss’s words go against prejudice of any kind, both of these great influences embody the same beliefs. Hating people based on what they look like will get us nowhere.
Hate and weapons can only take you so far in life. In the end, happiness can only bring happiness, and hate can only bring hate. Guns inspire new guns, and can develop into bombs. There’s not much good that can come from using a more powerful weapon against an ‘enemy’. There’s no good in fighting someone because they’re different, especially when the difference is as small as what side of the toast you spread and eat your butter on. Oddly enough, Dr. Seuss’s book not only relates to the development of nuclear weapons, but even reminded me of the current war going on between Iran and Israel. The Butter Battle Book talks of a war that had been going on for years and years over a difference of beliefs. Iran and Israel seem to be going through similar circumstances. The end of the book has no answer as to how we can end these types of wars; it simply points out how ridiculous it is to start and continue this sort of thing for so long. It’s that Dr. Seuss managed to get me to connect such a thing to a children’s book.
Dr. Seuss wrote and drew for adults as well, sending out the thought of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” to America. How Dr. Seuss managed to write and draw in a way both adults and children could understand, I don’t know. I guess an adult can be as clueless as a kid, and a kid can be taught as well as an adult. Dr. Seuss helped me grow up to where I am now. I’m more confident in choosing my own paths and being able to understand what to do. Dr Seuss’s spark taught me that my opinion matters and it’s up to me to let the world know what I think in my own way. This goes for everyone. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.”